On The Mend

I think my marriage is off the rocks now, as it were. Husband has been here all day. We've talked. I know he's feeling a little better because when I ask him if he's okay he now says yes, instead of the no it has been for the last twenty four hours.

We're both absolutely exhusted. Sleeping wasn't really top of the list of things to do last night. I'm also without a mobile phone, obviously, which is terrible for me. I shall have to sort that out tomorrow. I just need 3 to send me a new sim card with a new number (think Husband would feel better if I was to change my number and I'm more than happy to comply).

On other matters, we're had a plumber here all day changing our boiler. Horrible timing when all Husband and I want to do is sit quietly. We disappeared upstairs for most of the day. Husband didn't go into work today since he totally knackered his hand last night when he put it through the window.

A Really Stupid Thing

It all went really horribly wrong last night. I was shot in the arse, as it were, by something stupid that I did. I was having textual flirtations with a friend of my Husband's over the weekend. My so called "best friend" told him all about it when he drove her home yesterday. She told him to be careful because I was enjoying the single life and that he should be careful for his friend called Wanker (pseudonym) because he'd been flirting with me via text message. It all just got even worse from there. Things were smashed, my phone was broken into smithereens, the children were terrified, tears were shed, my family had to come round and watch the children and clear up broken glass. It was truly, truly awful. I've never, ever seen him cry before and it was (awful is too mild a word) really distressing to know I'd caused him so much hurt. That was never my intention. I didn't have any intention. Nothing would have ever come of it. I feel like a prize idiot today. I've had about two hours sleep. I can't help wondering if this has damaged thing irreparably.

I don't know where to go from here. I think I'll just have to wait until he calls me or comes round.

This is really, really all very terrible.

Smiling

So, I had a nice, long bath last night. Exfoliated, buffed, defluffed, face masked, washed hair. I got out of the bath at about 11.30pm, sloped into my bedroom, put my pajamas on and then I noticed them. My niece's shoes that she left here when she moved back to Sandhurst. Black stilettos. There were looking a little bit sad just abandoned on my bedroom floor so I slipped my feet into them. I thought I ought to do the decent thing and take them into town for a little drink, so I did. The AntiWeeble and I wandered into town and gone midnight. You know what? I had a really lovely time. I'm really glad I decided to take those poor shoes out. I hadn't forgotten how to go out at all. Okay, I didn't drink alcohol but I'll build up to that. I got chatted up by a guy too. I gave him the slip though, not quite ready for that, after only a week of being single. It was lovely to feel attractive again.

Ooh, Husband rang whilst I was at the pub too. LissyBean had woken up and wanted to speak to her mummy. So he said. I asked him if he was sure he wasn't checking up on me. He said, no, so I said my goodbyes and he interrupted and confessed that yes, maybe he was a bit. I told him he ought to be careful in case people got the wrong idea and thought he cared.

All in all, it really was a good night out and this morning I'm smiling. (Oooh, I got to have a big, fat lay in this morning too - bliss! It's certainly not all bad).

Minges

I was in a very high quality establishment Lidl earlier, purchasing some groceries when I came upon these:



I'll bet you don't get many of those in Waitrose.

More Drink Stuff

He came to pick up the children this morning. Today he says that sometimes I ask him for a drink when we're both sat in the lounge. He really does have a problem with this drink making business, huh? It's just what I've always been used to. I suppose in my past relationships I've always been really nicely looked after. I liked that.

I'm child free tonight too. I've never had that before. It's going to be odd. I think I may go out, drink a cider and get drunk (I say a cider because I'm a lightweight and that's all it takes me to get drunk).

For now, I'm going to cycle into town and weigh myself. The excitement may kill me. I'll have to be very, very careful.

The Crux Of The Issue

Someone very lovely asked me earlier, "Are you angry at him for what he's done? or are you hurt that he may have indicated that he didn't want you and you, being the competitor that you are, wanted to lose him before he lost you?".

Yes to all of the above. Though, with regard to the third question before, I've never been lost before and I'm afraid it will hurt too much.

Fatality

My marriage has died a death. He still refuses to explain things any further than cups of effing tea and coffee. This morning he said that visitors come round try to get him to make the tea. Fine.

Oh, he also said that my mum would make my dad sandwiches to take to work. I said there's absolutely no point in comparing our marriage to theirs because my dad thinks nothing of getting up at 5am to defrost my mum's car before she goes to work. He also makes sure he's downstairs before her in the morning to make her a cup of tea and squeezes her a glass of fresh orange juice. Their marriage is amazing. It would be impossible to live up to that, especially for a man so clearly with a brain the size of a pea.

I will no further wait for an explanation. I'd rather it ended on my terms so this is it. I'm going to pack up his stuff and close this chapter.

Elbows And Arses

I can't tell my arse from my elbow at the moment. I'm still keeping busy and the house has had more cleaning this week than it has in ages. It's occupying me.

Nothing makes sense.

I have no idea what to think.

I asked him to leave because when I asked him if he still wanted to be here he said he wasn't sure. Surely it's obvious that the person you're not sure about can't keep you, no? But he phones me every day and when he visits the children he stresses that he also wants to visit me and tells me how much he loves me.

He then goes on to tell me the things he wasn't happy with; I don't make him a coffee when he gets home from work. Also, I only make him sandwiches to take to work seven days out of ten. He seems to think he shouldn't have to make his own. What the fu@k?? Who would tear apart their marriage and family over that?

Either he's really, really stupid or there's something rather major he's just not telling me. What am I supposed to think?

How Now?

I mean, how exactly do you start all over again? I've can't remember.

I know I can. Yes, I'm capable but, but, but. Ugh. It's just so much easier being alone. No arguing. You can please yourself (ahem - I mean by doing whatever you like).

I know how I do it. One day at a time. Tomorrow I'm going shopping for new beautiful dresses for LissyBean and new badminton racquets for myself and WonderBoy (who's been lovely this evening, he let me cry on his shoulder then told me I'm spilt six tears on him), then we watched a film together. That is the plan. The day after that, I'll concoct another plan.

Love Hurts

It's times like this when I really miss having a diary. There's so much in my mind and I have no place to purge my thoughts.

Husband has gone.

I miss him.

Peace And Pirates

I've just got back from a workout at the gym. Have sat down to do some reading and have some nice quiet time after a crazy day with the children and Husband keeps talking at me! Is it rude to tell him to shut the feck up? Please, just give me some peace!

The weekend was manic too. Saturday saw us all getting up at the crack of dawn for a fundraiser I thought would be a great idea for the holiday club that the local churches run together during the summer. It has a pirate theme so we all had to dress on. Husband totally looked the part (must find a picture actually) and went crazy mad on his costume as he does about everything, he was even wearing eye liner! He was walking with a swagger and everything. I think he actually thought he was a pirate. The event was a success.

After that we went onto WonderBoy's summer fete. Now, there was plenty of time to change, I de-pirated but Husband chose the come along in his costume and swaggered around the whole thing with his pretend plastic sword tucked into his belt loop. WonderBoy was highly amused whilst I was highly embarrassed. Daft arse!

I've made a recycling pledge for Recycle Week. Go make yours.

The Anti Weeble

My friend is always falling down. This is terrible, you might think, which it is. The thing is, it's always so bloody funny. I think I must be an evil person.

The other day, we were heading back from the gym. It was dark and we couldn't see very well. We walk home along a little dirt path with the school on one side and a big slope of stinging nettles on the other side. Anti-Weeble, VeryLovelyNeighbour (VLN) and I were ambling along chatting away when Anti-Weeble loses her footing and slips, twisting her ankle. She managed to steady herself with VLN's help. Then she stumbles again, twisted her ankle further, being rescued, once again by VLN. Once righted, Anti-Weeble takes another step falling, yet again, twisting her ankle even more and rolling down the bank into a bed of stinging nettles! Where by she laid screaming for help, not being able to put her hand down because of the nettles. VLN jumped to the rescue, dragging her out of the nettles and back up the hill onto the path (all the while, there's me, stood there, like Mrs Evil, killing myself laughing - not very bloody helpful!). When we got back home and saw the extent of the nettle stings, Husband looked up remedies for them. So, I ground up some sage and slapped it on the worst bits and Anti-Weeble spent the rest of the night smelling like a Christmas turkey.

Holiday

I went to Croyde, camping a couple weeks ago. We had a really lovely time. There were about twenty of us in all.

Here are some pics...


My beautiful little camper


WonderBoy entertained the troops.


My beautiful curly LissyBean


BoyBaby enjoying the sea with his Auntie Doris and cousin


WonderBoy and LissyBean exploring the sand dunes


A gnarly BoyBaby getting the surf board ready


I finished surfing that day, having been washing machined. Turns out trying to take breaths underwater isn't a great idea...

So Very, Very Tired

Why can't I just fall asleep? I'm so very, very tired. Perhaps I might give bed another go. If that stupid little rat Chihuahua didn't piss upstairs I'd have probably fallen asleep by now.

Right, bed and ipod it is.

Fat Dog

No results today. Going to have to wait until Thursday. For goodness sakes!!!

My labrador is getting fat again. We starting taking her on massive, fast bike rides and she slimmed down to a normal size, but once again, she's got rather too much junk in the trunk. I think someone's been sneaking her extra food. My brother says that dogs are often like their owners. I'm carrying around a little extra lard in the midrift department, therefore she's bound to. Speaking of lard, my Dad (who quite clealy has absolutely no tact at all) told me whilst we're on holiday that I'm fat. A bit harsh, in my opinion. Yes, I do admit to carrying a few extra pounds at the moment, but I'm hardly the big, fat tub he was describing me to be. Bloody cheek!

So, to remedy this situation I shall be starting the Cambridge Diet on Monday. It's this thing where you stop eating and have these shake thingies. Instead of 2000 calories (which is what she says a 5'10 woman should be consuming - seems a bit high, in my opinion), you get 415 calories per day and works by putting your body into mild ketosis. She thinks I'm going to be doing the one with three shakes and a light evening meal of, for example, some low fat cottage cheese and two table spoons of lettuce. Should I want to do the non eating one she'll charge me an extra £20 for another shake ("Because of your height, you must have four shakes a day or you'll have adverse reactions, blah, blah, blah"). Bollocks to that. Adverse reactions will be cheaper so I'll have those instead, please.

LissyBean has been a little under the weather today and really quite clingy. All I want to do is go to sleep. Tried that though, been in bed for the last two a a half hours and I just can't bloody sleep. I wish I'd gone to the gym.

Waiting

I've been waiting for Monday. We'll find out tomorrow if my Mum has lung cancer. It's been horrible having to wait. I feel sick and can't concertrate. I wish with these sorts of tests they could hurry them along a bit. Three o'clock tomorrow, she'll find out.

(By The Way)

I've added a new link the the righto hand side Siren Voices. A blog written by a paramedic. Very good indeed, check it out.

Thrilling Vroom, Vroom!

I learnt how to ride a motorbike yesterday. It's always been one of my ambitions. It was, as I'd always thought it would be, awesome! I did almost run my husband over though, which isn't a great idea, since I love him and all.

The bike was a Suzuki Marauder. Husband took me for a burn on it afterwards. The vibrations were very different from a sports bike, which is what I'm used to being pillion on. I tell you, five more minutes on that bike and I would have cum, for sure! I was grinning for all the wrong reasons on that ride. Needless to say, I'm going to buy one now.

Curls And Crying

When husband came home from work on Monday, LissyBean lept up from behind the sofa and flung her arms round him. He thought that was a lovely way to be greeted. I thought it was odd that she was in the process of pulling her trousers up but she's three. Three year olds mostly are odd.

A couple of minutes later, husband noticed that our lounge smelt of poo. On discovering that BoyBaby was wandering around with no nappy on, we figured we'd better search out his nappy and poo.

Things didn't quite add up...

So, I searched and searched around behind the sofa for the nappy, or the poo and my foot was the first to find it. There it was. On my foot. Brown and squidgy and stinking. Everyone knows I hate poo. Can't bear it. Hate it more than any mother of children should. It's so disgusting. I had it on my foot. I did what any not very level headed woman would do and cried. Like a baby. Husband thought this was very funny. As did LissyBean and she shouted upstairs to WonderBoy that, "Mummy is crying because there's a poo on her foot".

Husband isn't quite as bothered by these sorts of things as I am. I sat there gagging, retching and crying as he cleaned it off my foot.

After some intergations and investigations (I checked their bottoms), it turns out BoyBaby wasn't o blame at all. I asked what she was doing pooping behind the sofa and she said she was trying to poo on my lid (The lid from the box that contains my greeting cards). Why? Why would anyone do that? LissyBean then stood at the top of the stairs and shouted, "I curled one out!". She wasn't my favourite person in the whole wide world that evening.

Wonder

WonderBoy was eleven yesterday. I can't believe I have an eleven year old. I can't believe I've been a mother for eleven years!!

Mind you, I went in to our local Co-op the other day to buy some cigarettes and the lady behind the counter asked me if I had a proof of age card. "Erm, no. I do have my eleven year old son with me though!". I'm thirty next year and still being asked for id. I think this is a good thing. I'm old enough now not to be offended when asked. More like a little flattered.

Swallowed By An Arse And Can't Be Bothered

I went swimming the other day with my VeryLovelyNeighbour (VLN). Once we had finished, I was washing my hair and VLN was brushing her hair in the mirror, that is positioned in front of the showers. A much older lady got into the showers and went about derobing herself and having a very thorough wash. As VLN was chatting she looked in the mirror towards me as she was talking to be greeted by much older lady's huge, huge, bumhole! The much older lady had bent totally over, almost double. Why would you do that?? I mean, I'm not the sort of person that will get my kit off in front of strangers in a public shower though I understand lots of people do, and fair enough. But this woman was taking in a little bit far, don't you think? VLN had to run into the toilet to compose herself (or maybe to check she hadn't gone blind).

I was just chatting to my brother in law about being lazy. I can't be bothered to get up and put my ipod on charge. Nor can I be bothered to go upstairs for a wee. However, when my neighbour (who has recently been in hospital with a bad back) had two and a half tons of stones delivered outside his door earlier today I insisited on helping him move the entire pile up the slope and step into his garden. Nor am I too lazy to go to the gym tonight when I was annoyed. Nor to lazy to cycle for miles. I think I have selected laziness. I can't be bothered to do the mundane things but I have plenty of energy to do the things I please. Weird